Sokka's Spy Log of Epic Proportions
by Anti-Logic
Summary: AU. It's Zutara Week - but what does Sokka think of all this? As his sister works as a counselor at an outdoorsy day camp, she bonds with his rival. He decides to take action. A little romance and a whole lot of Sokka.
1. Denim

A/N: So I found out about this interesting little thing called Zutara Week. I thought it would be fun, even though I don't usually ship Zutara. Problem is, it's Friday already...

So I decided to try to do things a little differently. This will be a Zutara story taking place within one week, each day reflecting one theme. Some chapters might be far longer than others, given the nature of the story. And who can resist a meddling Sokka?

Disclaimer: Don't own. Review anyway?

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**JULY 7 - Denim**

I have begun this log to watch the movements of a slimeball. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about – that egotistical, stupid, imbecilic, whiney, sin-against-nature-through-his-sheer-whiney-stupidity emo kid Zuko. I have enclosed a picture for reference, painstakingly drawn for complete accuracy, down to the finger lodged in his left nostril.

Why now, you may ask? Simple. Because as of now, I have determined "Subject A" a threat to none other than my sister (Subject A being the aforementioned slimeball). We shall continue to call him Subject A, and refer to said sister as Object Blue. Not that my sister is an object. _I respect the rights of women._ (That's for you, Katara, if you're reading this highly professional_, secret _report. Which you shouldn't be.) "Object" is just a fancy classification term you may or may not know.

You may have noted the title of today's entry. I have decided to give each day a code word so as to clarify the growing danger that is dangerously presenting itself dangerously. With ever-increasing danger. Each code word will reflect the events of the day in question, starting with today – Denim.

On this fine early evening, I was driving to pick Object Blue up from her first day of summer camp. Given that Object Blue is much too old for this certain camp, it can be deduced that she has volunteered as a camp counselor for either money or community service hours, or as the Object would put it, "to help out." As this detective is suspicious of anyone with the last motive, let us assume it is one of the former reasons.

Object Blue surprised me with her aura of terrifying temper as she clambered into the passenger seat of my suave vehicle, slamming the door with tremendous force and sinking back onto the patent leather seats. She then proceeded to rave like one gone mad.

"I can't believe that sexist…sexist pig!" she screamed, carrying on about some idiot who had been watching her lower regions the entire time the two of them had been playing a mandatory game of hide-and-seek with the younglings. Naturally this concerned me, but at the time I was too busy looking for a way to work in a perfectly-placed wisecrack about the unlikelihood of the situation to show it.

She then proceeded in a fashion that made it clear that she was not actually certain that he _had _been looking at her in such a way, but the positioning of his hiding place in a tree had given him the perfect view of her protruding buttocks as she hid behind the nearby cafeteria. I would have laughed (not at the situation, of course. I would pummel him. It was her backtracking that was funny) if it weren't for the sudden mention of the offender's name – Zuko. Subject A.

And with that, the game began.

I nearly backed my sleek black car into a tree at the revelation as I made my rather violent thoughts known. She hastily corrected me, however, and said that it was not Subject A who had been watching her – it had been Jet, whom I am fairly certain she has had a crush on for years. Well, not anymore. Subject A had gone by at the moment, hesitated (in a very _egotistical_ way) and reluctantly hinted that Jet was watching her. This was how Object Blue told the story, but I am fairly certain that it was all part of Subject A's evil plot to either gain her trust or watch her try to beat up on Jet. Which would have been funny.

Either way, I shall be informing Object Blue to not wear such short jean shorts on any occasion.

And what was Subject A doing at a summer camp? This requires further observation, and possible hilarity.

_Sokka, who are you trying to kid? For the last time, you are _not _a secret agent. And what's with all that stuff about your car? You drive Dad's old pick-up truck…_


	2. Electrifying

A/N: Another...890 words! Wooo! I wrote these in a big block, but dang, they're short individually...

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**JULY 8: Electrifying**

Today was a very eventful day.

I drove in my SUAVE CAR – not a pick-up truck as the _intruding _Object Blue claims – to drop said object off (You don't even get a capital letter anymore. So _ha. _And I'm gonna hide this better, so you won't ever read this line, ever!). But little did the object know that in a maneuver of pure brilliance, I _didn't leave_. Being the sly super spy that I am, I parked the tru – _car_ around the corner and snuck through the cooks' entrance into the camp. It was a very tasty route, I must add.

I then proceeded to find the counselor's meeting room, where Object Blue and Subject A would be getting their morning briefing. I gathered that there was to be a talent show that evening for the young ones, and that a small group of counselors would break off from the pack to prepare the portable stage. Then I spotted the two – and almost as if to prove my suspicions, they were sitting three or four rows away from each other, but in the _same column! _If this isn't suspicious I don't know what is.

I would have liked to see more of this invisible interaction, but at that moment one of the counselors in the back row approached the window, having heard my victorious cry of discovery, so I had to dash.

I spent my time behind a tree after that, carefully watching the wooden building – until I saw that I was not alone in my endeavor. Not far away sat two teenage girls of an extremely giggly nature, peaking out from behind their own tree and craning their necks to try and see in through the window. They carried notepads and scribbled furiously each time they seemed to have caught some sort of motion from inside. Curse my sightless position! (Not that _I _was sightless, of course. I couldn't see inside. Just to clarify. I do know a blind girl, though: Toph Bei Fong. She's pretty cool, actually, even though it really hurts my shoulder when…getting off topic.) At this point, the giggling girls are still a mystery, but my keen detective skills shall soon change that.

I soon saw that the select group of stage-setter-uppers included both Object Blue and Subject A. Because of this, I am now convinced that their bosses are also conspiring with Subject A against me. They certainly weren't chosen for their prowess in the task required – no one there seemed to have a clue what they were doing. To my joy, Object Blue laughed when Subject A hit his thumb with the hammer, just barely restraining from letting his emo boy, whiney nature soar in a cry. I have included yet another detailed drawing of the event. Yes, the yellow on his pants is intentional. My joy was diminished almost immediately, however, when I realized that Object Blue's laughter was not of the offensive kind, and although Subject A did not appreciate it he did not seem as angry as I had hoped either. Object Blue claimed later today that he isn't as irrational as he was last time we had an encounter, but I believe that this is either due to his ingenious plot or some form of subtle hypnotism.

I must have been a victim of some sort of sleeping gas, for I then lost consciousness for a few hours. When I awoke, they were nearly done with the setup, and a camper was poking me with a stick. After frightening away the pigtailed youngster with my best impression of Kermit the Frog, I turned back just in time to watch the drama unfold.

Object Blue was trying to rig something electrical, probably the stage lights. I immediately recognized the danger of the situation, as said object has never been good with such things in her life. She nearly blew out a lamp once when she tried to change the bulb, for Pete's sake. Sure enough, she suddenly jumped backwards at the sight of a large flash of energy, stumbling off of the stage.

Immediately my Ultimate Older Brother reflexes went into action, propelling me forward past the clump of bushes I had been hiding in –

Only to see Object Blue be caught by Subject A, who had been standing right there the entire time. Fighting the impulse to lunge, I backed quietly away before I was noticed, watching the awkward moment play out in silence. He dropped her hastily, only increasing the awkwardness, but she thanked him anyway. They both looked conflicted, and rightfully so – Subject A is my _eternal rival!_

The rest of the day passed relatively uneventfully, except that Object Blue quirked her eyebrow suspiciously as she noticed that my suave car came from the opposite direction to pick her up, despite my ready story that I was helping Aang to catch his rogue new monkey. Perhaps said bald child does not actually have a monkey, but it seemed much more appropriate for him than a dog.

Now I must go warn Object Blue to stay away from Subject A. Again. And anything involving electricity (I'm pretty proud of the code word pun, by the way).


	3. Smug

**JULY 9: Smug**

There are no words to express my displeasure.

I'm going to try anyway.

Last night Object Blue and I had a debate as to whether or not Subject A has actually, as she claimed, "changed." This led her to take some rather extreme actions that could result in definitely dire danger. Actions such as _talking to him. _

Yes, as I sit and write behind yet another tree, the two of them work on a painting project with the children. I have so far learned a few interesting things: Subject A is here because his "evil" sister blackmailed him, he hates Jet with a passion, and Object Blue is a traitor.

In fact, I

This is inconceivable! Object Blue has just demonstrated awareness of my presence_. _She freaking knows I'm here! After saying something along the lines of "You know, Subject A, you're not as bad as I thought," she turned around and lookedstraight at my peeking head! And she wore the _smuggest_ little smile imaginable.

Naturally I beat a hasty retreat, making it all the way back to my spy car in one piece. However I did notice something interesting on my way out – yet another girl, this one a bit older, sitting around the corner of the port-a-potties and typing away on a laptop. She peered around her smelly corner at the Subject and the Object as I flew by.

Now I should start up the car (it purrs in such a sophisticated way when I do) and quickly abdicate for home. I have a feeling that I used that word completely incorrectly.

I sit in my room now, chagrined. Object A has known the new location of this log, and simply did not leave a trace of her presence when she read it. She was of course irritated with me, but her wrath was restrained due to her revenge of talking – _talking! – _to the Subject I hate so.

This requires a scheme.


	4. Manipulative

**JULY 10: Manipulative**

The trap is set. (Well, it's not a trap really. More like a deception. But it's really not all that deceptive, because I'm really just revealing Subject A's true nature. So it's like an un-deception.)

Aang and I wait in his backyard, armed with markers, makeup, bandages, and a female member of our school who is luckily rather attracted to me. "Luckily" meaning that we were lucky that this particular girl was attracted to me, not that a girl would condescend to find me attractive. Many girls – if not all – find me as such. So it actually wasn't very lucky after all. Either way, we wait with Ty Lee, who has agreed to help with the expert application of makeup to make Aang look rather worse for wear.

The plan is to make it appear as though Subject A ambushed him. I, of course, would be able to take that loser, so we couldn't do the same to me. Aang was a bit reluctant until I mercilessly pummeled the idea into his mind that his crush on Object Blue would cause him to forever be shattered into infinite pieces when he saw the two together. The sucker, not realizing that he'd be much better off with that Meng girl in his homeroom, gave in. Ty Lee was easier – we have a date this weekend – but I may be starting to regret this particular deal. She…she wants to play _dolls _with me. Still, Ty Lee is also essential to the plan in order to make it believable, given her relationship with Subject A's family. She must be there to cry wolf.

It's getting darker now; enough time has elapsed since camp was dismissed to make our story believable.

It's go time.

I've always wanted to say that.

Well this is infuriating. We came charging into the house with our best acting skills, and Object Blue wasn't there. I'm beginning to think that

I apologize for the sudden break in thought. In the hour since I last logged my actions in the previous sentence fragment, much has occurred.

As I was writing, Object Blue walked through the door, humming quietly to herself in an obviously contented way. That quickly changed when she saw Aang. She immediately rushed to him with concerned queries, just as I predicted. When Aang gave his story, her expression became shocked and then confused. This much I expected as well. But what I did not expect to come into play was the next expression – suspicion. I assumed that the brainwashing had progressed further than I had thought and immediately started my extremely intelligent argument as to why she should cut off all contact with emo boy Subject A.

I was met with a, "_Sokka!_ Stop shouting nonsense. I know it wasn't Zuko."

When asked to explain, she gave a wry smile and gestured out the door – where Subject A sat in his beat up, ugly old car.

"You let him _drive you home?_ And…you've been _with _him all this time?" I exclaimed.

Apparently they had been "working on their presentation for the closing performance." Please. She thinks I'm as big of an imbecile as I know Subject A is. I thought fast, utilizing my amazing mental skill to come up with an explanation in a split second.

"Of course Subject A didn't beat him _personally!_ He hired…Ty Lee!"

It was a natural reaction; she was right there. She had connections to them, didn't she? And it turns out that Ty Lee is actually a black belt. I nearly had Object Blue this time. Ah well. Another day, another dollar, plus interest.

_I love how you found out about Ty Lee's black belt. How long do you think it'll be until you can walk? _


	5. Mythology

**JULY 11: Mythology**

Today is Object Blue and Subject A's last day of camp, and hopefully their last day of contact whatsoever. However, this last day is a time of tribulation for me as I do not know what the vile Subject A is planning through this "closing performance." I have decided to follow them once more. I now sit in the same place the mysterious girl with the laptop sat before. The stench of port-a-potty and suspicion hang heavy in the air.

Speaking of the girl with the laptop, I have noticed a strange and nearly alarming trend. Everywhere now, I seem to see people writing, typing, watching. That is frightening in itself, but what is worse is how fixated they seem on Subject A and Object Blue. It's like some sort of descending plague of locusts, mainly made up of teenage girls. There are others – some older, some younger, some even male. But always, always, the teenage girls…

Some of them are actually pretty hot.

But this is no time to be distracted. Preparations continue; the children run wild.

I now sit, carefully disguised, among the audience. I must slouch to hide the obvious height difference between the children and myself, but my keen sense of camouflage helps me to stay undercover. I am convinced that only the young girl with the pigtails from earlier knows that I am out of place, and she dares not reveal me for fear of the Kermit.

The show drags on. It appears to have some sort of ancient Greek theme to it, with gods and goddesses clashing in all of their half-nude might. I recognize snatches of old stories, but nothing that I can pinpoint for certain. It has been some time since I have heard these tales. Subject A and Object Blue have yet to perform – I shall write more once they have done so.

This is…this is impossible to start with a sentence with enough force behind it, that's what it is. This is vile, this is awful, evil, inconceivable, and every other negative word I've already used in this log. It's just plain _icky. _

I write to you now as I sit in my headquarters, completely blown away by the horror that I witnessed today. Subject A and Object Blue performed their ancient story, revealing to the world their choice: a _romance. _Granted, it had a terrible ending – fitting for a terrible relationship – but it still had a bittersweet tang to it that made it just _gooey _without having to be literally so. They portrayed a tale of two mortals who became constellations in the sky, separated from each other except for one day a year, when they would meet each other by crossing over the Milky Way river. Subject A was a terrible actor, as to be expected. I have enclosed an illustration of him falling off the stage and cracking his skull open. Alas, only wishful thinking.

Object Blue later informed me that they were not given a choice as to what to perform – they drew from a hat to make things interesting. She even went so far as to say that Subject A was appalled by the subject. _Ha. _This incident is far too convenient for that to be the truth. Why were they working together in the first place? It was most definitely all part of his evil scheme. Besides, Object Blue refused to tell me whether or not she had been enjoying herself.

They held each others' gaze – and each others' bodies – far too long for my taste. This is a children's camp, not late night porno!

(P.S. – I did _not _have trouble walking after last night. It doesn't hurt that bad when I move slowly. And I've found an even _better _hiding place that Object Blue will never discover, so this line is…completely pointless. Huh.)

_Whatever you say. You know, I could go on about how all we "held" were each others' shoulders. But I won't. Oh, and you left your Sherlock Holmes hat in the kitchen again._


End file.
